It's been over a week since I first landed in American soil- 9 days to be exact- and I still haven't found a way to sum up just how strange I've been feeling. It all started when I had to pay for a single dose of Dayquil with a handful of coins and I couldn't remember the difference between a nickel and a dime. I spent a good minute or two trying to sort out all these irrational, worthless coins that I barely recognized, something I hadn't thought would be so confusing but that was. It all sort of just hit me from there. I wrote a really poetic analogy the other day of how it was like a dull force shooting straight at me and striking me in slow-motion, something I do a lot when I'm too overwhelmed to actually face the situation I'm in. I guess you could say I turn to metaphors when some turn to alcohol. Ahem. Anyways. It's weird being home. It's even weirder being home as an entirely different person. I feel so torn and confused and fuzzy. I ought to start making giant lists, but even that seems a task far too daunting for me.
Quite honestly, it's not even that I wish I was back in Spain. I do miss it and my friends and my family there, but I'm glad I'm in Bend. I'm just not so glad that I have to make this giant transition when everyone around me seems to think that I should be sliding back into the position I left.
Thus ends the fabulous year abroad adventure.
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Friday, July 6, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
It's Kind Of a Funny Story
Today something really embarrassing happened, but before I tell you I'd like to say that I have a new article on Domestic Square Peg! It was on the front page at some point, but it relates to my little story. If you have time, it'd be great for you to read it. If not, here's the jist of it: I'm failing school and it puts me in some uncomfortable situations.
One of the biggest ways we learn here in Spanish school is through taking tests. I can say without a doubt that I have gotten a 10% on the last, like, forty tests I've had to take. On the History test I took on Friday about the Cold War, I probably knew how to answer two of the ten questions. I used to consider myself smart, or at least not stupid, but I've definitely started to question myself in the last couple months. So, on this History test, I had about 45 minutes left over after answering those two questions, and I decided to write a list at the bottom of the test of things that I DO know how to do to make myself feel a little bit better. Things like "how to read Hebrew" and "how to properly use a semicolon" and "how to Photoshop Chewbacca into a convertible" made this list.
First of all, may I admit that I didn't think my History teacher knew how to speak any English. He's tried talking to me in English before, and as far as I could tell it was at a pretty elementary level. Turns out he can read English, though, or at least put it into Google Translate and figure out what I was saying. So when he handed back our tests today, instead of handing mine to me and lecturing me on my study habits like he normally does, he told me loudly that NO ONE thought I was dumb and that I didn't need to prove myself to him. One of the kids I sit next to overheard and asked what he was talking about, and my teacher proceeded to read off my list of things that I know how to do to the entire class, translating when necessary. It was a long and painful process. Also, now all the kids in my class know that I pride myself in my knowledge of 70's punk lyrics.
At least they don't think I'm stupid, though.
One of the biggest ways we learn here in Spanish school is through taking tests. I can say without a doubt that I have gotten a 10% on the last, like, forty tests I've had to take. On the History test I took on Friday about the Cold War, I probably knew how to answer two of the ten questions. I used to consider myself smart, or at least not stupid, but I've definitely started to question myself in the last couple months. So, on this History test, I had about 45 minutes left over after answering those two questions, and I decided to write a list at the bottom of the test of things that I DO know how to do to make myself feel a little bit better. Things like "how to read Hebrew" and "how to properly use a semicolon" and "how to Photoshop Chewbacca into a convertible" made this list.
First of all, may I admit that I didn't think my History teacher knew how to speak any English. He's tried talking to me in English before, and as far as I could tell it was at a pretty elementary level. Turns out he can read English, though, or at least put it into Google Translate and figure out what I was saying. So when he handed back our tests today, instead of handing mine to me and lecturing me on my study habits like he normally does, he told me loudly that NO ONE thought I was dumb and that I didn't need to prove myself to him. One of the kids I sit next to overheard and asked what he was talking about, and my teacher proceeded to read off my list of things that I know how to do to the entire class, translating when necessary. It was a long and painful process. Also, now all the kids in my class know that I pride myself in my knowledge of 70's punk lyrics.
At least they don't think I'm stupid, though.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
One Month
Hello fans, followers, friends, and family! This Sunday marked one month until my return date, and my feelings about it are beginning to grow more and more mixed. As I come to the end of my exchange, I find that I'm not so sure I want to leave, while at the same time I'm anxious to go home and see all those things I've been missing all year. So, there's that.
When I began this post I was going to give it a topic, a thesis or something. In short, it was going to have a point. But I haven't got a point to make so today I'm just going to talk. That happens sometimes, as a person and as a writer. Sometimes we just ramble on about nothing. So here's my ramble.
My host parents are amazing. Like, not just as host parents/people to live with, but as people in general. I tell them that sometimes, thank them for feeding me or washing my sheets or whatever, and they tell me it's human decency. There are two things I say to that: first of all, that their kindness extends far beyond human decency. Second of all, human decency isn't exactly a trait possessed by all nowadays. So it's appreciated when people aren't rude and stuff.
The lovely people over at Domestic Square Peg have recently published something I wrote about adjusting to living abroad. It's one of a 5 part series, so I'll be on there for a month or two. I've included a link on the sidebar. It's seriously an awesome opportunity, and I'm really grateful to be able to be provided with it.
I was in Marbella for most of last week while my host parents were in Madrid, and was able to see with Nina, Matthew, and Josie which was simply lovely. I love travelling, and even though I'm on one big adventure just living here it's nice to be able to travel while here.
One of the biggest things I miss from America is doing things during the day as opposed to the night. "Going out" (leaving the house with friends from like 8-12) is the biggest way to pass time with other people, and I unfortunately inherited the urge to be in bed by 10 from my parents (thanks for that, by the way). I'd much rather go adventuring until 6 or 7, go home, eat, read, and go to sleep, but that doesn't happen like ever here. Oh well, just something I'll be able to appreciate more upon returning.
I'm starting to prepare for the next school year and it's both exciting and nerve-racking. I'm so excited to actually DO things next year- be a yearbook editor, be in the school musical, take dance classes, go skiing, apply for college, do schoolwork, have a job, etc. At the same time, I'm realizing just how much I want to do and how much time/energy it's going to take up. Not being involved in school this year has made me significantly lazier, and I'm worried about how that's going to affect me in my senior year. But still, I'm mostly excited... Even though AP summer homework is already kind of kicking my butt.
I guess that's what's on my mind. That and beach... Living this close to the beach is amazing. Seriously.
OK bye.
When I began this post I was going to give it a topic, a thesis or something. In short, it was going to have a point. But I haven't got a point to make so today I'm just going to talk. That happens sometimes, as a person and as a writer. Sometimes we just ramble on about nothing. So here's my ramble.
My host parents are amazing. Like, not just as host parents/people to live with, but as people in general. I tell them that sometimes, thank them for feeding me or washing my sheets or whatever, and they tell me it's human decency. There are two things I say to that: first of all, that their kindness extends far beyond human decency. Second of all, human decency isn't exactly a trait possessed by all nowadays. So it's appreciated when people aren't rude and stuff.
The lovely people over at Domestic Square Peg have recently published something I wrote about adjusting to living abroad. It's one of a 5 part series, so I'll be on there for a month or two. I've included a link on the sidebar. It's seriously an awesome opportunity, and I'm really grateful to be able to be provided with it.
I was in Marbella for most of last week while my host parents were in Madrid, and was able to see with Nina, Matthew, and Josie which was simply lovely. I love travelling, and even though I'm on one big adventure just living here it's nice to be able to travel while here.
One of the biggest things I miss from America is doing things during the day as opposed to the night. "Going out" (leaving the house with friends from like 8-12) is the biggest way to pass time with other people, and I unfortunately inherited the urge to be in bed by 10 from my parents (thanks for that, by the way). I'd much rather go adventuring until 6 or 7, go home, eat, read, and go to sleep, but that doesn't happen like ever here. Oh well, just something I'll be able to appreciate more upon returning.
I'm starting to prepare for the next school year and it's both exciting and nerve-racking. I'm so excited to actually DO things next year- be a yearbook editor, be in the school musical, take dance classes, go skiing, apply for college, do schoolwork, have a job, etc. At the same time, I'm realizing just how much I want to do and how much time/energy it's going to take up. Not being involved in school this year has made me significantly lazier, and I'm worried about how that's going to affect me in my senior year. But still, I'm mostly excited... Even though AP summer homework is already kind of kicking my butt.
I guess that's what's on my mind. That and beach... Living this close to the beach is amazing. Seriously.
OK bye.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Today is Wednesday
Hello everybody! Today is Wednesday and it's my first day back to school after two days off. Spain has a lot of random holidays that we get school off for, and this time it was for a world fair or something. I don't really know. I was sick all weekend (still have a bad cough and a bit of a headache) so I didn't get to go, which is a bummer but I guess that happens.
A couple days ago my mom told me over Skype (something that's become more and more recent in the last few weeks) that the wonderful crew over at Domestic Square Peg would like me to write a series of 5 articles for their teen section about my experience adjusting to a different culture. I'm really excited- I always love an opportunity to get my work published! However, I do need some ideas on what to write them about. I feel like I've gone through so much that, if it were up to me, I'd write an entire (very opinionated) autobiography on this year. That would certainly exceed my 200-500 word limit, so if you have any ideas, please share them!
I passed the 7 month mark yesterday and, while I'm pretty much ready to go home, the idea that I only have two more months here scares me. Especially living in a new town, I feel like I have so much more that I'm supposed to do with this experience. I'm constantly comparing my exchange year with those of other exchange students that I know, and I feel like I'm supposed to be doing more than I have. This is silly because I'm obviously going to have a different experience than other people. This is scary because I don't want to look back and regret not doing enough this year.
My iPod broke on Friday (something about bad software, according to Yahoo Answers and the Apple forums). This happened to me once back home, and it was completely devastating. It occupied me for weeks, and I do believe I may have cried once or twice. Here, it was just another thing that happened. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I mentally made a list of solutions, and decided not to worry about it until there was something I could do. While this may not be a story relevant to my actual experience here, I do believe it shows a lot about what I've learned during these last couple months. Apparently whatever it is I'm learning here is applicable in "real life" situations.
Other than that, nothing's really going on in my life. I've been watching Disney movies and eating bizcocho and walking to and from school and trying to pay attention in Filosofia and speaking Spanish. Life isn't super exciting, but it's not bad either. I'd even go so far as to say I might just be content with it.
A couple days ago my mom told me over Skype (something that's become more and more recent in the last few weeks) that the wonderful crew over at Domestic Square Peg would like me to write a series of 5 articles for their teen section about my experience adjusting to a different culture. I'm really excited- I always love an opportunity to get my work published! However, I do need some ideas on what to write them about. I feel like I've gone through so much that, if it were up to me, I'd write an entire (very opinionated) autobiography on this year. That would certainly exceed my 200-500 word limit, so if you have any ideas, please share them!
I passed the 7 month mark yesterday and, while I'm pretty much ready to go home, the idea that I only have two more months here scares me. Especially living in a new town, I feel like I have so much more that I'm supposed to do with this experience. I'm constantly comparing my exchange year with those of other exchange students that I know, and I feel like I'm supposed to be doing more than I have. This is silly because I'm obviously going to have a different experience than other people. This is scary because I don't want to look back and regret not doing enough this year.
My iPod broke on Friday (something about bad software, according to Yahoo Answers and the Apple forums). This happened to me once back home, and it was completely devastating. It occupied me for weeks, and I do believe I may have cried once or twice. Here, it was just another thing that happened. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I mentally made a list of solutions, and decided not to worry about it until there was something I could do. While this may not be a story relevant to my actual experience here, I do believe it shows a lot about what I've learned during these last couple months. Apparently whatever it is I'm learning here is applicable in "real life" situations.
Other than that, nothing's really going on in my life. I've been watching Disney movies and eating bizcocho and walking to and from school and trying to pay attention in Filosofia and speaking Spanish. Life isn't super exciting, but it's not bad either. I'd even go so far as to say I might just be content with it.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
A New Measurement of Time (the story of how I learned a basic life skill in my year abroad)
With Easter having been this past Sunday, we students of the Catholic country of Spain were given a week off to wear really big hats and celebrate Jesus with our families. Needless to say, I was extremely excited and prepared for the week ahead. There would be excursions, time with friends, exercise, etc. Of course, that's how I feel about every break I've ever had from school, and by the time it's over I look at the date on my computer and wonder how in the world I could have spent nine days making music playlists and writing lists of rhyming words. But I was determined to have a productive vacation this time. This wasn't just any week, after all- the next book in my current favorite book series was being released April 3rd, and I was determined to reread the four books before it in preparation. The first two weeks I had this goal went very poorly. I kept getting distracted by my favorite tea shop and the excitement over the book on Tumblr, and only ended up reading one look in fourteen days. Finally, the day before the book was released, I realized I had 3 books and 20 hours to read them. If I kept reading at the pace I had been, I wouldn't get to read the book until months after its release! So, I told myself I wasjust going to do it. I sat down, turned off the internet and TV, and read.
I read those 3 550 page books just in time- I got to read the new book in the day before I left for Malaga, where I wouldn't have access to the book. This may not sound like that big of an accomplishment (though you try reading three books about children with machine guns throwing up their guts in a very short span of time and maybe you'll rethink your opinion), but I'm still very proud of myself. In shutting off distractions and putting aside time to do something important, I was able to get it done. Being able to focus on the task at hand is something I've always struggled with, but now that I've done it once I have a feeling I'm getting closer to finally making it a habit.
I guess this whole enlightenment thing didn't exactly relate to any Spanish adventures I've had, but not everything I've learned over here has been derived from being in Spain. The alone time that not really knowing anyone gives me has taught me just as much as all the new experiences.
I read those 3 550 page books just in time- I got to read the new book in the day before I left for Malaga, where I wouldn't have access to the book. This may not sound like that big of an accomplishment (though you try reading three books about children with machine guns throwing up their guts in a very short span of time and maybe you'll rethink your opinion), but I'm still very proud of myself. In shutting off distractions and putting aside time to do something important, I was able to get it done. Being able to focus on the task at hand is something I've always struggled with, but now that I've done it once I have a feeling I'm getting closer to finally making it a habit.
I guess this whole enlightenment thing didn't exactly relate to any Spanish adventures I've had, but not everything I've learned over here has been derived from being in Spain. The alone time that not really knowing anyone gives me has taught me just as much as all the new experiences.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
For the Benefit of the Present Day
My entire life people have described me as ambitious, and I believed them because all my life I'd done just a little bit more than what had been expected of me. I got all A's, I read challenging books outside of school, I did non-mandatory community service, I took the Honors and AP classes. I made myself look impressive on paper because, to be honest, I was writing a paper on the impressive things I'd done that would one day do me good. I planned on presenting it to my college of choice or something and saying something like "Here, this is why I am good enough for you to accept and educate me, read it carefully."
I've written many journal entries about the word "ambition" and what it means to me. My outlook on it changed drastically about half-way through my freshman year, for reasons that are irrelevant to the point I'm making today, halfway through my junior year. In the last 5 months since arriving in Spain, the word "ambitious" has morphed into more than just a list of accomplishments and what I plan on doing them. As with many things in my life, ambition has become violently more real to me as I experienced things outside my comfort zone. Suddenly I began to realize that my paper of impressive accomplishments to save for the future was fine and all, but what did I have to prove for the day I'd just had? Isn't the future just a word used by scientists and prophets? Isn't the future really just now?
So, I again began writing journal entries on what the word "ambition" means to me. I began writing letters to my past self, to the stressed-out overbooked 15 and 16 year-old Hannah. "Dear Little Hannah," I wrote, "Do yourself a favor and drop that AP Biology class. Do you want to be a biologist? No. Do you even like biology in the least bit? No. Is it serving any purpose other than a shiny gold star for your college applications? No, and it may not even be that when you get your final grade and find you've gotten your first ever C in a class. Oh, and dance more. We like dancing."
The journal entries were a little less sceptically humorous. "On the subject of ambition," began one, "I do believe that the key is to not look to the 'future' but instead focus on being as dedicated as possible to what it is that you are doing here and now. Today is the future, and if you save everything for a vague, far-off day you will not have enough of yourself as a developed person to offer up to accept the applause for all those unnecessary things you did instead of making yourself happy and truly becoming yourself."
I still am proud to define myself as ambitious. However, I've lowered my standards and started to do things that affect me positively today as opposed to someday. I know that I will always need to do things I don't want to, things that I am obligated to. But I also have a surprising control over my life and what it is that I choose to do. I needn't feel enslaved to a chain of unruly expectations. I can do what I truly must, and put the rest of my energy to being satisfied with what it is I've done that day.
I cannot remember the last time I've been this content with life, nor the last time I was this inspired to dance and to write and to do things that I know I love to do. By ridding my mind of unnecessary daily obligations, I made room for creativity and passion. It makes me me, and as myself I can enjoy what I've allowed myself to do that day. No longer do I base everything I do off of some future me's happiness. I am me, and I deserve to be happy right now.
I've written many journal entries about the word "ambition" and what it means to me. My outlook on it changed drastically about half-way through my freshman year, for reasons that are irrelevant to the point I'm making today, halfway through my junior year. In the last 5 months since arriving in Spain, the word "ambitious" has morphed into more than just a list of accomplishments and what I plan on doing them. As with many things in my life, ambition has become violently more real to me as I experienced things outside my comfort zone. Suddenly I began to realize that my paper of impressive accomplishments to save for the future was fine and all, but what did I have to prove for the day I'd just had? Isn't the future just a word used by scientists and prophets? Isn't the future really just now?
So, I again began writing journal entries on what the word "ambition" means to me. I began writing letters to my past self, to the stressed-out overbooked 15 and 16 year-old Hannah. "Dear Little Hannah," I wrote, "Do yourself a favor and drop that AP Biology class. Do you want to be a biologist? No. Do you even like biology in the least bit? No. Is it serving any purpose other than a shiny gold star for your college applications? No, and it may not even be that when you get your final grade and find you've gotten your first ever C in a class. Oh, and dance more. We like dancing."
The journal entries were a little less sceptically humorous. "On the subject of ambition," began one, "I do believe that the key is to not look to the 'future' but instead focus on being as dedicated as possible to what it is that you are doing here and now. Today is the future, and if you save everything for a vague, far-off day you will not have enough of yourself as a developed person to offer up to accept the applause for all those unnecessary things you did instead of making yourself happy and truly becoming yourself."
I still am proud to define myself as ambitious. However, I've lowered my standards and started to do things that affect me positively today as opposed to someday. I know that I will always need to do things I don't want to, things that I am obligated to. But I also have a surprising control over my life and what it is that I choose to do. I needn't feel enslaved to a chain of unruly expectations. I can do what I truly must, and put the rest of my energy to being satisfied with what it is I've done that day.
I cannot remember the last time I've been this content with life, nor the last time I was this inspired to dance and to write and to do things that I know I love to do. By ridding my mind of unnecessary daily obligations, I made room for creativity and passion. It makes me me, and as myself I can enjoy what I've allowed myself to do that day. No longer do I base everything I do off of some future me's happiness. I am me, and I deserve to be happy right now.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
And the adventure continues...
One of the biggest things that was drilled into our heads in RYE training weekends last year was the idea of being flexible. In fact, tell any past or present Rotary exchange student to be flexible and they'll either cringe or chuckle a little bit. During the last 5 months I've taken this mantra to heart and tried my hardest to go along with whatever my surroundings offered up to me. It proved to be a bit challenging when I found that I wasn't exactly fitting in with said surroundings. I felt more like I was being shaped and molded specifically instead of guided through my exchange. But I accepted it as part of the challenge and worked my hardest to try and have a good time, or at least a good experience.
This week, though, something cracked. It wasn't me. It wasn't my host family. It wasn't school. It wasn't Rotary. It was just my entire exchange. To be honest, everything moved so quickly I couldn't even begin to explain what exactly what happened. Four days ago it was just another day. I had no idea that today I'd be packing up my entire life to relocate and restart my exchange on an 18 hour notice.
My tutor decided it would be a good idea for me to move, and I agree. This means going to a different city. This means a new beginning completely. I'll be at a new school. I'll be in a new house. I'm going to have to find new friends and a new ballet class. Some would take this as a shock, an obstacle, a reason to give up. And while I am freaking out a little bit, I'm staying calm by reminding myself to just be flexible. This is not a problem. This is a continuation of the adventure. I'm so excited to try my hand at an exchange in a different city in a different situation.
This week, though, something cracked. It wasn't me. It wasn't my host family. It wasn't school. It wasn't Rotary. It was just my entire exchange. To be honest, everything moved so quickly I couldn't even begin to explain what exactly what happened. Four days ago it was just another day. I had no idea that today I'd be packing up my entire life to relocate and restart my exchange on an 18 hour notice.
My tutor decided it would be a good idea for me to move, and I agree. This means going to a different city. This means a new beginning completely. I'll be at a new school. I'll be in a new house. I'm going to have to find new friends and a new ballet class. Some would take this as a shock, an obstacle, a reason to give up. And while I am freaking out a little bit, I'm staying calm by reminding myself to just be flexible. This is not a problem. This is a continuation of the adventure. I'm so excited to try my hand at an exchange in a different city in a different situation.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
R.E.S.P.E.C.T
I've recently become very passionate about teaching respect and feel like the world deserves a 15 minute video of me talking about it.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Nationalism- Not Just a Vocab Word Anymore
I remember being in 9th grade (not something I enjoy doing very often but still, it happens) and writing this word dutifully down in my Honors World History notebook, defining it as "the feeling of great pride towards ones country." I never gave the term much more thought than that; until now, that is.
I'd always heard that European countries were very proud of themselves, very nationalistic. They all have very rooted and strong cultures, unlike the melting pot that is America. In fact, one of the things I was most excited about upon hearing that I would be going to Spain. In my mind, it meant a plethora of splendor- people who were proud of their country meant they would be happy, right? Happy people are good! Sure, there were other thoughts in there somewhere (I do believe "I can take an AP test when I get back and pass, awesome" and "I freaking love Spanish hot chocolate" were in there somewhere) but that was the main idea.
I've been here two months now, and I think I have probably witnessed enough nationalism on both my part and the part of those around me to last me a lifetime. "Pride" and "enthusiasm" are not words grand enough to accurately describe the feeling of nationalism.
Now, what I'm about to say is not meant in any way to be a slander to the Spanish people. I love this culture very much, but it's been an observation of mine that they might just be a bit too proud of both their country for me to be comfortable.
Of course, there are many things about Spanish nationalism that I adore- the enthusiasm about the Spanish futbol teams, the flags everywhere, the pride they take in cooking traditional foods, and much more. There are also some things that rub me the wrong way. For instance, when I get asked how many times I've brought a gun to school or when I get laughed at by an entire classroom for mispronouncing a word or even told that there's no way I can possibly learn Spanish because I'm American, I start to wonder who taught these kids manners and respect. Sure, there are those people who are just rude in general, but for the most part this ignorance is considered normal.
I don't know about you, but I would never ask a Spanish person if they fight bulls as a hobby or a job, or tell them that the reason their economy is going down the drain is their 2 hour siesta every day. I recognize those as stereotypes, and would never treat them as a truth unless I was given solid proof to believe that they were, in fact, accurate. But not most of my Spanish peers. They don't recognize it as stereotyping- in fact, there was a girl in my Spanish Language and Literature class today who asked the teacher what the word "stereotipo" meant, and my teacher explained it like it was a word she hadn't expected any of us to have encountered before. Whatever happened to unity week in like 3rd grade when we learned to treat everyone equally and not to separate based on stereotypes and to not make assumptions? Apparently they haven't quite translated that into Spanish yet.
I've also developed quite a bit of nationalism for America while being here. I'm growing to appreciate the school system, and especially Summit, for its freedom and varied levels of difficulty. The responsibilities (especially those brought on by student jobs, driving, and being put in leadership positions in after school activities), I am realizing, are both greatly missed and loved for being the greatest teacher in maturity. Oregon is also becoming one of the greatest places in the world in my head. I always knew it was wonderful, sought out by people all over the world, whatever, but I never truly realized it until it was hundreds of thousands of miles away. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder, at least in this case.
I know this has gotten fairly personal and even a bit rude but it's been a big part of my exchange. I'm realizing that being a world citizen means not only learning as much as possible about the world, it also means appreciating where you come from. I love my country and I love Spain, even though sometimes they seem to love themselves a bit too much. Nationalism is a good thing, a very important thing.
I'd always heard that European countries were very proud of themselves, very nationalistic. They all have very rooted and strong cultures, unlike the melting pot that is America. In fact, one of the things I was most excited about upon hearing that I would be going to Spain. In my mind, it meant a plethora of splendor- people who were proud of their country meant they would be happy, right? Happy people are good! Sure, there were other thoughts in there somewhere (I do believe "I can take an AP test when I get back and pass, awesome" and "I freaking love Spanish hot chocolate" were in there somewhere) but that was the main idea.
I've been here two months now, and I think I have probably witnessed enough nationalism on both my part and the part of those around me to last me a lifetime. "Pride" and "enthusiasm" are not words grand enough to accurately describe the feeling of nationalism.
Now, what I'm about to say is not meant in any way to be a slander to the Spanish people. I love this culture very much, but it's been an observation of mine that they might just be a bit too proud of both their country for me to be comfortable.
Of course, there are many things about Spanish nationalism that I adore- the enthusiasm about the Spanish futbol teams, the flags everywhere, the pride they take in cooking traditional foods, and much more. There are also some things that rub me the wrong way. For instance, when I get asked how many times I've brought a gun to school or when I get laughed at by an entire classroom for mispronouncing a word or even told that there's no way I can possibly learn Spanish because I'm American, I start to wonder who taught these kids manners and respect. Sure, there are those people who are just rude in general, but for the most part this ignorance is considered normal.
I don't know about you, but I would never ask a Spanish person if they fight bulls as a hobby or a job, or tell them that the reason their economy is going down the drain is their 2 hour siesta every day. I recognize those as stereotypes, and would never treat them as a truth unless I was given solid proof to believe that they were, in fact, accurate. But not most of my Spanish peers. They don't recognize it as stereotyping- in fact, there was a girl in my Spanish Language and Literature class today who asked the teacher what the word "stereotipo" meant, and my teacher explained it like it was a word she hadn't expected any of us to have encountered before. Whatever happened to unity week in like 3rd grade when we learned to treat everyone equally and not to separate based on stereotypes and to not make assumptions? Apparently they haven't quite translated that into Spanish yet.
I've also developed quite a bit of nationalism for America while being here. I'm growing to appreciate the school system, and especially Summit, for its freedom and varied levels of difficulty. The responsibilities (especially those brought on by student jobs, driving, and being put in leadership positions in after school activities), I am realizing, are both greatly missed and loved for being the greatest teacher in maturity. Oregon is also becoming one of the greatest places in the world in my head. I always knew it was wonderful, sought out by people all over the world, whatever, but I never truly realized it until it was hundreds of thousands of miles away. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder, at least in this case.
I know this has gotten fairly personal and even a bit rude but it's been a big part of my exchange. I'm realizing that being a world citizen means not only learning as much as possible about the world, it also means appreciating where you come from. I love my country and I love Spain, even though sometimes they seem to love themselves a bit too much. Nationalism is a good thing, a very important thing.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)