For the Benefit of the Present Day

My entire life people have described me as ambitious, and I believed them because all my life I'd done just a little bit more than what had been expected of me. I got all A's, I read challenging books outside of school, I did non-mandatory community service, I took the Honors and AP classes. I made myself look impressive on paper because, to be honest, I was writing a paper on the impressive things I'd done that would one day do me good. I planned on presenting it to my college of choice or something and saying something like "Here, this is why I am good enough for you to accept and educate me, read it carefully."
I've written many journal entries about the word "ambition" and what it means to me. My outlook on it changed drastically about half-way through my freshman year, for reasons that are irrelevant to the point I'm making today, halfway through my junior year. In the last 5 months since arriving in Spain, the word "ambitious" has morphed into more than just a list of accomplishments and what I plan on doing them. As with many things in my life, ambition has become violently more real to me as I experienced things outside my comfort zone. Suddenly I began to realize that my paper of impressive accomplishments to save for the future was fine and all, but what did I have to prove for the day I'd just had? Isn't the future just a word used by scientists and prophets? Isn't the future really just now?
So, I again began writing journal entries on what the word "ambition" means to me. I began writing letters to my past self, to the stressed-out overbooked 15 and 16 year-old Hannah. "Dear Little Hannah," I wrote, "Do yourself a favor and drop that AP Biology class. Do you want to be a biologist? No. Do you even like biology in the least bit? No. Is it serving any purpose other than a shiny gold star for your college applications? No, and it may not even be that when you get your final grade and find you've gotten your first ever C in a class. Oh, and dance more. We like dancing."
The journal entries were a little less sceptically humorous. "On the subject of ambition," began one, "I do believe that the key is to not look to the 'future' but instead focus on being as dedicated as possible to what it is that you are doing here and now. Today is the future, and if you save everything for a vague, far-off day you will not have enough of yourself as a developed person to offer up to accept the applause for all those unnecessary things you did instead of making yourself happy and truly becoming yourself."
I still am proud to define myself as ambitious. However, I've lowered my standards and started to do things that affect me positively today as opposed to someday. I know that I will always need to do things I don't want to, things that I am obligated to. But I also have a surprising control over my life and what it is that I choose to do. I needn't feel enslaved to a chain of unruly expectations. I can do what I truly must, and put the rest of my energy to being satisfied with what it is I've done that day.
I cannot remember the last time I've been this content with life, nor the last time I was this inspired to dance and to write and to do things that I know I love to do. By ridding my mind of unnecessary daily obligations, I made room for creativity and passion. It makes me me, and as myself I can enjoy what I've allowed myself to do that day. No longer do I base everything I do off of some future me's happiness. I am me, and I deserve to be happy right now.

Fuengirola House Tour

I've hung up all my Justin Bieber posters and everything's sunny.

And the adventure continues...

One of the biggest things that was drilled into our heads in RYE training weekends last year was the idea of being flexible. In fact, tell any past or present Rotary exchange student to be flexible and they'll either cringe or chuckle a little bit. During the last 5 months I've taken this mantra to heart and tried my hardest to go along with whatever my surroundings offered up to me. It proved to be a bit challenging when I found that I wasn't exactly fitting in with said surroundings. I felt more like I was being shaped and molded specifically instead of guided through my exchange. But I accepted it as part of the challenge and worked my hardest to try and have a good time, or at least a good experience.
This week, though, something cracked. It wasn't me. It wasn't my host family. It wasn't school. It wasn't Rotary. It was just my entire exchange. To be honest, everything moved so quickly I couldn't even begin to explain what exactly what happened. Four days ago it was just another day. I had no idea that today I'd be packing up my entire life to relocate and restart my exchange on an 18 hour notice.
My tutor decided it would be a good idea for me to move, and I agree. This means going to a different city. This means a new beginning completely. I'll be at a new school. I'll be in a new house. I'm going to have to find new friends and a new ballet class. Some would take this as a shock, an obstacle, a reason to give up. And while I am freaking out a little bit, I'm staying calm by reminding myself to just be flexible. This is not a problem. This is a continuation of the adventure. I'm so excited to try my hand at an exchange in a different city in a different situation.