My entire life people have described me as ambitious, and I believed them because all my life I'd done just a little bit more than what had been expected of me. I got all A's, I read challenging books outside of school, I did non-mandatory community service, I took the Honors and AP classes. I made myself look impressive on paper because, to be honest, I was writing a paper on the impressive things I'd done that would one day do me good. I planned on presenting it to my college of choice or something and saying something like "Here, this is why I am good enough for you to accept and educate me, read it carefully."
I've written many journal entries about the word "ambition" and what it means to me. My outlook on it changed drastically about half-way through my freshman year, for reasons that are irrelevant to the point I'm making today, halfway through my junior year. In the last 5 months since arriving in Spain, the word "ambitious" has morphed into more than just a list of accomplishments and what I plan on doing them. As with many things in my life, ambition has become violently more real to me as I experienced things outside my comfort zone. Suddenly I began to realize that my paper of impressive accomplishments to save for the future was fine and all, but what did I have to prove for the day I'd just had? Isn't the future just a word used by scientists and prophets? Isn't the future really just now?
So, I again began writing journal entries on what the word "ambition" means to me. I began writing letters to my past self, to the stressed-out overbooked 15 and 16 year-old Hannah. "Dear Little Hannah," I wrote, "Do yourself a favor and drop that AP Biology class. Do you want to be a biologist? No. Do you even like biology in the least bit? No. Is it serving any purpose other than a shiny gold star for your college applications? No, and it may not even be that when you get your final grade and find you've gotten your first ever C in a class. Oh, and dance more. We like dancing."
The journal entries were a little less sceptically humorous. "On the subject of ambition," began one, "I do believe that the key is to not look to the 'future' but instead focus on being as dedicated as possible to what it is that you are doing here and now. Today is the future, and if you save everything for a vague, far-off day you will not have enough of yourself as a developed person to offer up to accept the applause for all those unnecessary things you did instead of making yourself happy and truly becoming yourself."
I still am proud to define myself as ambitious. However, I've lowered my standards and started to do things that affect me positively today as opposed to someday. I know that I will always need to do things I don't want to, things that I am obligated to. But I also have a surprising control over my life and what it is that I choose to do. I needn't feel enslaved to a chain of unruly expectations. I can do what I truly must, and put the rest of my energy to being satisfied with what it is I've done that day.
I cannot remember the last time I've been this content with life, nor the last time I was this inspired to dance and to write and to do things that I know I love to do. By ridding my mind of unnecessary daily obligations, I made room for creativity and passion. It makes me me, and as myself I can enjoy what I've allowed myself to do that day. No longer do I base everything I do off of some future me's happiness. I am me, and I deserve to be happy right now.
Showing posts with label reasons I need AP Lang in my life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reasons I need AP Lang in my life. Show all posts
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Unpopular Opinion
One of the biggest pieces of advice that I'm given is to disconnect myself from my life back home and go out and do Spanish things during my year here. This point is especially stressed by my current host parents, who put strict mandates on computer use and discourage care packages. These are things said to distract from my limited time in Malaga and put me back home in America. So, it makes sense that the biggest no-no is Rotarian deemed excessive internet use. I am frequently talked to about the importance of using as little internet as possible. I understand that, considering I'm only here for just over 9 months, making the most of every day is very important. However (and this is where the unpopular opinion comes), I also believe that limiting myself in other portions of my life, including the internet, doesn't help me to have a vastly improved experience here.
You see, dear friends, the world is a changing place. 5 years ago the idea of being able to talk face-to-face with someone thousands of miles away through a computer was considered ridiculous. Now it's a daily occurrence for most people with loved ones or even simple friends in far-off places. In the last century we humans have moved forward in science, arts, literature, language, technology, etc. at a rate so fast that in earlier ages it would have taken one hundred years to do what we can do now in ten. Many of these developments help to connect the world, such as easily accessible air travel and high-speed internet in most parts of Earth. The quick and frequent updates of these innovations only get quicker and more frequent over time, meaning more overseas flights on a daily basis and a constant stream of information over the internet. We are connecting people of all races, cultures, religion, and location every day, making previously completely foreign customs and language and lifestyles available in the click of a button.
In no way is this a valid substitute for real life. Even those simulated reality games don't come close- am I the only one who makes my characters do ridiculous things like marry a horse instead of making them lead normal lives? Nothing can truly replace living, not even the all-mighty internet. But what I said earlier about it drastically improving connections between different countries and cultures is very true. Nearly everything is online now, which makes learning about the world we live in much easier than it used to be. For instance, instead of having to go to China to learn Chinese calligraphy I can easily find a website that will explain it to me in a language I'm familiar in. The world is becoming smaller through the internet, as everything becomes more connected and accessible.
People all over the world log in every day to the internet. I have friends that, if it weren't for social networking sites, I would have lost touch with from countries like Colombia and Australia and Germany. Friends living in different parts of the United States and even different parts of the world are on my email list, Twitter feed, Facebook friends, etc. Not only can I talk to someone in a part of the world where it's night time when I'm just getting home from school, but I can also do it however often or however long I want to.
As the world grows smaller, location doesn't really matter as much as it used to. Want to get a feel for a potential college? Tour it interactively on the school's website. Want to see a band that only tours obscure Asian countries perform? Spend the day watching full-screen concert recordings, or find a live stream video thread of the performances. Want to attend a Scandinavian English class? Use video chat with the class when it's in session. Want to know more about all of Henry VIII's ex-wives? There are sites and databases dedicated to that subject that could take up hours of your time. Everything you'd ever want to know or do is in your pocket (or, if you can't fit your internet-using device in your pocket, in front of your nose etc.), making distance and even location practically irrelevant.
I think I've gone on for a bit too long and given far too many examples (that's what not having a decent English class does to a girl), but I guess it's because the point I'm trying to make is fairly difficult to explain. What I'm trying to get across is that, because the world is becoming a very small place, we can be wherever we want whenever we want. It's not bad and I personally believe it doesn't detract from local customs- in fact, I believe it adds to them. I can learn about social habits in Argentina or special Taiwanese slang words with the click of a button, as well as actually living my life wherever I physically am. The internet connects cross-continental cultures and enables us to develop another, completely different type of culture; one of a truly global world. Becoming a global citizen nowadays doesn't mean traveling to every country for months at a time, it means taking the time to log on and learn about different places and experiencing them when you can. People my age especially are very eager to share cultures, and connect from different parts of the world. I truly believe it is my generation that will make the world a global community as opposed to a planet with members of the same species on different chunks of land.
So I'm beginning to ramble and I apologize. I'm kind of running out of steam- at the beginning I was all fired out as I was fresh from a lecture so I hit the ground running, but now I'm just trying desperately to accurately portray the point I'm trying to make. I don't know if anyone understands what it is I'm trying to say but at this point I don't really care. One of the biggest things I've learned here is moving on when people don't understand what you're trying to say- being an American in a very opinionated foreign country with a foreign language kind of forces you to do this. Luckily, I have Google Translate and other Spanish friends who are able to help me try to get my point across... All thanks to the internet.
That's the big wrap-up, I've been writing this by the light of the last three menorah candles that I received in my Hanukkah package a month ago and they're almost all burned out. I'm changing host families tomorrow so I probably ought to go to sleep anyways. Anticipate a tour of the new house sometime this weekend.
You see, dear friends, the world is a changing place. 5 years ago the idea of being able to talk face-to-face with someone thousands of miles away through a computer was considered ridiculous. Now it's a daily occurrence for most people with loved ones or even simple friends in far-off places. In the last century we humans have moved forward in science, arts, literature, language, technology, etc. at a rate so fast that in earlier ages it would have taken one hundred years to do what we can do now in ten. Many of these developments help to connect the world, such as easily accessible air travel and high-speed internet in most parts of Earth. The quick and frequent updates of these innovations only get quicker and more frequent over time, meaning more overseas flights on a daily basis and a constant stream of information over the internet. We are connecting people of all races, cultures, religion, and location every day, making previously completely foreign customs and language and lifestyles available in the click of a button.
In no way is this a valid substitute for real life. Even those simulated reality games don't come close- am I the only one who makes my characters do ridiculous things like marry a horse instead of making them lead normal lives? Nothing can truly replace living, not even the all-mighty internet. But what I said earlier about it drastically improving connections between different countries and cultures is very true. Nearly everything is online now, which makes learning about the world we live in much easier than it used to be. For instance, instead of having to go to China to learn Chinese calligraphy I can easily find a website that will explain it to me in a language I'm familiar in. The world is becoming smaller through the internet, as everything becomes more connected and accessible.
People all over the world log in every day to the internet. I have friends that, if it weren't for social networking sites, I would have lost touch with from countries like Colombia and Australia and Germany. Friends living in different parts of the United States and even different parts of the world are on my email list, Twitter feed, Facebook friends, etc. Not only can I talk to someone in a part of the world where it's night time when I'm just getting home from school, but I can also do it however often or however long I want to.
As the world grows smaller, location doesn't really matter as much as it used to. Want to get a feel for a potential college? Tour it interactively on the school's website. Want to see a band that only tours obscure Asian countries perform? Spend the day watching full-screen concert recordings, or find a live stream video thread of the performances. Want to attend a Scandinavian English class? Use video chat with the class when it's in session. Want to know more about all of Henry VIII's ex-wives? There are sites and databases dedicated to that subject that could take up hours of your time. Everything you'd ever want to know or do is in your pocket (or, if you can't fit your internet-using device in your pocket, in front of your nose etc.), making distance and even location practically irrelevant.
I think I've gone on for a bit too long and given far too many examples (that's what not having a decent English class does to a girl), but I guess it's because the point I'm trying to make is fairly difficult to explain. What I'm trying to get across is that, because the world is becoming a very small place, we can be wherever we want whenever we want. It's not bad and I personally believe it doesn't detract from local customs- in fact, I believe it adds to them. I can learn about social habits in Argentina or special Taiwanese slang words with the click of a button, as well as actually living my life wherever I physically am. The internet connects cross-continental cultures and enables us to develop another, completely different type of culture; one of a truly global world. Becoming a global citizen nowadays doesn't mean traveling to every country for months at a time, it means taking the time to log on and learn about different places and experiencing them when you can. People my age especially are very eager to share cultures, and connect from different parts of the world. I truly believe it is my generation that will make the world a global community as opposed to a planet with members of the same species on different chunks of land.
So I'm beginning to ramble and I apologize. I'm kind of running out of steam- at the beginning I was all fired out as I was fresh from a lecture so I hit the ground running, but now I'm just trying desperately to accurately portray the point I'm trying to make. I don't know if anyone understands what it is I'm trying to say but at this point I don't really care. One of the biggest things I've learned here is moving on when people don't understand what you're trying to say- being an American in a very opinionated foreign country with a foreign language kind of forces you to do this. Luckily, I have Google Translate and other Spanish friends who are able to help me try to get my point across... All thanks to the internet.
That's the big wrap-up, I've been writing this by the light of the last three menorah candles that I received in my Hanukkah package a month ago and they're almost all burned out. I'm changing host families tomorrow so I probably ought to go to sleep anyways. Anticipate a tour of the new house sometime this weekend.
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